When
you discover that you might be kinky there are a lot of questions surrounding
how to accept that. One of those may be trying to explore that kink with your
existing partner. But how do you bring up the subject and how do you handle
what they may say about the ideas you are entertaining? Learning you may have
kinky desires is not uncommon but dealing with the emotional repercussions can
be difficult. You should try to stay the course and work through your thoughts
slowly so that you don’t overwhelm yourself or enter sub frenzy.
Once
you deal with your own emotions and feelings surrounded your new found interests,
it may be time to talk to your partner about them.
This
can be a very nerve wrecking time for you but worth the effort you are going to
put into it, right?
A
lot of partners are willing to try new and adventurous new things if asked.
Things like light bondage, spanking or Dominant/submissive role play generally
are well received for sex play.
Other
activities will require conversations with your partner
Talk
About It
Plan
a moment where there won’t be any distraction and talk about your new feelings
and desires. Be honest about it and open for positive and negative responses.
If you need help, get a book or find a few websites online to help you with
your discussion. Don’t give your partner ultimatums, they will need time to
understand what you are asking from them and to find out themselves if they are
interested. It’s a change in the relationship they may not have expected, but
then it could also be very exciting for them. A good book to maybe have laying
on the bedside table is When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton. It
comes highly recommended on Amazon and is an appropriate read for anyone new
and nervous.
Leave
Subtle Clues
Like
I mentioned above you can leave a book out for your partner to see, but other
things work too. Magazines that talk about kinky sex play, bookmark pictures of
ads that show someone tied up or blindfolded, start leaving links to sites
online to educational kink resources like The Iron Gate or Leather and Roses.
Tell your partner your fantasies that involve some kinky things and see how
they react. The goal here is to feel things out and see how they may react
before talking to them outright.
After
the Big Talk
Once
you get someone interested in trying something don’t let the ball drop.
Experiment, play around, be adventurous. You may find that you both have
interests to explore and fun things to do with each other that you never
thought possible. I could bring your relationship closer together and engage a
level of intimacy that was not possible before. You relationship dynamic could
change for the better. Revel in the changes and enjoy yourself.
If
Things Go South
Not
every situation turns out for the better. Some people just can’t be kinky and
don’t want to entertain your fantasies or relationship desires. You may have to
make a choice to never entertain your desires or to find someone that will. The
hard decisions in life may be ahead for you. For me personally, that meant
divorce. I found what I was looking for and while I know I failed at marriage,
I know that my decision was the right one. For you it could mean opening your
relationship to make room for a Dominant while keeping the existing
relationship. It could mean that you become an online submissive and get your
emotional and mental desires fed that way.
Do
not give up. Thing have a tendency to work themselves out.
Author: LunaKM
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