Coping with Loss

Have you given any thought how you would actually cope with the loss of your power-exchange partner?

By David Coates on Monday, September 23, 2013 at 8:18am

Many of us lifestylers who are also into the dynamic power exchange have great relationships and bonds with their respective dominant or submissive.

However, I am willing to wager that very few probably have a lifestyle-based contingency plan or directive, should a dominant or submissive lose his or her partner through death.

Do not feel too awful, I did not either when I lost my submissive soul-mate, Kathy. I cannot speak from any experience what it is exactly like to lose a dom, however, I am a living testament to losing a beloved submissive.

The loss of a loved one in a vanilla relationship is very painful indeed, whether it be through the death of a partner, violation of trust; which covers a wide range of domestic discord issues, abandonment, cruelty, and all other types of abuse.

Loss of a loved one in a sadomasochistic or power-exchange bond is also extremely painful, but I feel that the pain has more profound depth, I feel, than its vanilla counterpart.

The mental, emotional, and spiritual pain of loss experienced in a vanilla relationship is greatly compounded in a PE relationship because of the nature and structure of the relationship itself.

The pain can be so deep and profound that there is not enough vicodin on the planet that can quell it.

How would any of you cope though that kind of intense pain of loss?

What strategies would be put in place to help get you through what would be perhaps one of the most traumatic events in your life?

You very likely do have people in your life who care and would be supportive, but that is basically your traditional, vanilla world.

The sentiments expressed would be meaningful and comforting.

However, who would you turn to or depend upon that would really, I mean really, understand where your head is, and what you require to make your life work and soul complete?

Who is there is to provide the comfort a dominant may need, or the comfort and control, and structure a submissive may desperately require in the lonely period ahead?

You should think about and prepare for these eventualities now.

I don't mean focus you whole life on you or partner dying, however, you need get your lifestyle support structure in place and plan.

I was not prepared for Kathy's crossing over, but it hit me like a 747 Boeing falling out of the sky. If had known these services, I would have still had the pain, but it would have not been as bad.

I know there have formal arrangements made between two dominants that explicitly trust one another to care for another's sub, slave, or bottom, in the event of either one's death. (God-Dom), much like a godfather.

Maintaning the power exchange is helpful to the mourning and healing process for dominants and subs alike.

It is a huge undertaking and responsibility.

I only wish I knew then what I know now.

~D