BDSM and Sex, Sex and BDSM

Both of these do not have to go together, did you realize that?

While much of what we do in the bedroom, private playroom, or even a private dungeon can be considered sexual or sensual in nature, it does not mean that you have to engage in sexual contact during play, and often times, during negotiation people will forget the detail of what sort of contact is allowed and what is not; or novices may think that you have to have sex to please the dominant you just played with as payment for the scene.

Now, when I talk about BDSM in this thread, what I am covering are the physical play activities that many engage in the bedroom, the dungeon, or at play parties, and
just about every activity from flogging to spanking and wax play, to tickling can be done without sex.

Certainly, it may arouse you, however, you still get to decide how far you go to care for that, and after all, BDSM is about exchanging sensations and exploring your body’s responses to stimulus, and it is not always kink.

However, is was rather true that when I played with my submissive it almost always ended with some form of sex, and many committed couples tend to blend the two in some way, besides, BDSM does goes well with sex, like peanut butter and chocolate (my apologies to those who may dislike either flavor), but BDSM goes well without sex also.

When I was exploring BDSM early on, prior to meeting her, I decided that sexual intercourse was not necessarily going to be a part of my activities, as mutual masturbation was as far as I was willing to go during BDSM play, and the reason I did that was I felt sex was to be saved for a committed relationship, and I was well aware that there was plenty to do that did not involve sex.

It was my choice, and every person I played with respected that limit, and I never had someone balk at the request.

Play parties are also places where rules may prohibit sex or sexual contact, and the play parties that I have attended vary, but if they are a larger and more public venue, then usually, they require no penetrative sex; so no dildos, inserts, fingers or genital-to-genital contact.

There were some parties that have required, at least a thong be worn at all times, so sex has been omitted by the venue rules, and yet play still occurs; and from what I can see is just as enjoyable without sex.

I find that it is less uncomfortable for novices, first attending parties, and if there is no sex involved anyway; Oddly for me at least, it feels more structured and clean, protocol-driven, and more organized than an orgy, if that makes sense.

If you have never been to a play party, it might be a good idea to find out what rules exist pertaining to sexual contact and activity, prior to your attendance.

Oh, and you do not have to play at a play party, because it is, first and foremost, a party; enjoy the conversation, snacks and the atmosphere, and you should play, only if you are comfortable with that and with people you have negotiated thoroughly.

Relax, in knowing, that sex is not involved!

Does it not relieve some stress from BDSM?

Either way, please know that you can have just as much fun with endorphin spills and adrenaline without the sexual contact.

What are ways that you play without sex?

Author: Unknown