Bratty Submissive Behavior: Symptom or Problem?

How many times have we heard it?

Someone either calling a submissive a brat, or a submissive calling him or herself a brat.

What does "bratty sub" really mean and is it necessarily a bad thing?

Brat can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, and many people who label themselves as bratty, see it as an endearing or positive quality.

Numerous Dominants who label a sub bratty tend to view it as a much less endearing quality.

Why does one see it as cute and the other as frustrating?

MORE IMPORTANTLY:

Why do some subs have a bratty disposition?

Subs, who think bratty is okay, appear to think of it as a way of showing their playful personality or asserting their individuality.

Certainly, many subs tend toward a bit of cheekiness, which is not quite the same as being bratty, however, not all Dominants agree with this statement, so subs should be careful in your cheekiness.

Sometimes, the constraints of service and discipline can tend to flatten a submissive's personality to some extent, and a bit of cheekiness can be a way of expressing individuality.

The line I draw between cheekiness and being bratty, is the line where respect is lost and cheekiness becomes a form of defiance, and cheekiness is usually dropped the second a Dominant shows annoyance.

Being bratty continues beyond this line, however, a little cheekiness in a submissive can be cute, but being excessively bratty is simply embarrassing and annoying for the Dominant.

I have seen that being bratty in most of its forms, from mildly annoying behavior to confrontational defiance, and In my book, in many of its forms, being a brat is a way of getting attention.

Now, this may seem obvious to many or one may argue that defiance is not a way of getting attention.

Of course it is. It is a negative way, but it is still a valid way of getting attention. Yes, I said valid. I did not say it was a good way, however, often, it works.

That is why subs utilize it, and that is why it is valid.

Why are some subs are attention sluts?

I, occasionally, think some Dominants completely miss the boat on this.

Some Dominants can get so wrapped up in the warmth from getting all that wonderful attention from their submissive that they fail to realize that some subs are there to get the same amount of attention back!

Yes, I hate to burst the Dominant bubble, but many subs are not in a power-exchange relationship to give unstintingly and endlessly to someone else with little or no reward, as they actually want and expect to get back at least a large portion of the attention they give.

As a Dominant, think about that great oral sex received, where he or she spent hours o stroking you, caressing you, teasing you with lips and tongue, while you just laid back and sank into the wonderful sensations.

At some point, your submissive is probably expecting some lengthy interaction with you, where your submissive is the complete focus of your attention, to even things out.

It may or may not be sexual, but it will be on par with the attention you have received.

The power-exchange dynamic is not a one-way street, as subs come into it and stay in it, because they crave the attention we Dominants can give them, and there is nothing like it.

It is addictive. It is seductive like a drug, and when denied too long, the craving eats at them. They need and/or crave it, and will beg, crawl, and give oral sex for a month; they will be the biggest brats in the world if necessary, just anything, to get that attention.

A funny thing can happen when some Dominants are happy or content, they often tend to turn their attention elsewhere, away from the person creating that contentment, and this can be most annoying to their submissive.

For example, the submissive has just spent the last several hours spit polishing the dominant's boots only to have him or her say, "They have been watching that individual over there. I think I will go see if he or she will play with me."

At this point, the submissive has several options:

The submissive can simply say "Yes, Ma’am" and fade into the background to nurse his or her own needs and hope the dominant will still have time and attention for her own submissive later.

The submissive can crawl to the Dominant’s feet and beg for play for his or herself.

OR

The submissive can enter "brat" mode and start to misbehave.

Now, if the Dominant cares at all about bratty behavior, he or she knows she will have to deal with this immediately, and the sub is suddenly the focus of all the dominant's attention albeit, negative attention, but it is still attention.

Do not misunderstand me, as I am not advocating this type of behavior, because at its best, it is a cute little behavior that the dominant can adore and encourage in small ways, however, at its worst it can destroy a power-exchange dynamic, and leave both parties feeling acrimonious toward each other.

How so?

What can dominants and subs do about bratty behavior?

First, each must make a decision whether they actually want the behavior to change.

Some subs may enter into new relationships having learned bratty behavior in a previous one, and it worked then, and they assume it will work in the current one, and unless they are given a good reason for changing their behavior, they may not want to. do so.

Without that desire on both sides, any solutions are most likely to result in failure, and finding and implementing a solution can actually be more challenging for the dominant than the submissive.

If asked, many Dominants would quickly respond they want bratty behavior to change.

Do they want a bratty sub?

But to change bratty behavior, in any permanent way, the dynamics of the relationship must change, as punishment alone will not alter the behavior, and neither will ignoring it will be effective if this is overused as a tool.

Bratty dispositions are generally symptomatic of a problem, rather than a problem in and of itself, and the underlying reasons for bratty behavior need to be dealt with and addressed.

Few subs start out as bratty. Bratty is more often a learned behavior, and subs learn it because it is effective in getting their needs met, and if you are a dominant who has a bratty submissive try asking yourself these questions:

Was your submissive bratty when you first started a relationship together?

IF NOT:

When did your submissive first start to show signs of bratty behavior?

Did you find it endearing at the time and subtly encourage it?

Under what circumstances, does your submissive become bratty, and what tools, if any, do you use to control the bratty behavior?

Do these tools actually provide the submissive any kind of reward (attention, pain play, etc) for bratty behavior?

Have you ever asked your submissive in a serious manner if they want to be a bratty sub and listened closely to the answer?

Have you ever asked your submissive what might help him or her to not be bratty or why they are being bratty in the first place?

Do you ensure your subs needs are met to the same level as your own?

Do you stay aware and conscious of your sub's needs and desires to the same level that you expect your submissive to stay conscious of your own needs and desires?

Bratty behavior is often a sub's way of saying something is wrong in the relationship dynamic, and few subs want to be bratty.

If the relationship has been not been equal for a long period of time, sometimes subs will say they do not care any more, and this is a time for a dominant to take particular notice that something is seriously wrong here, and if you really are dedicated to eradicating bratty from your relationship, perhaps it is time to stop and communicate on a deeper level.

You need to find out what is triggering the bratty episodes, implement solutions that work for the submissive as well as the Dominant, and remove the need for the bratty behavior, initially, and you may be surprised at what a well behaved, devoted submissive you have in your care, eager to do your bidding.

In my opening statement, I posed the question:

Is bratty behavior necessarily a bad thing?

Bratty behavior can be used as an indicator of the emotional health of a power-exchange relationship.

Also, this is a two-way street, as the responsibility for communicating does not rest solely with dominant, as a submissive has a duty to use his or her voice too.

Inspired by Katrina N. Michaels.