Dropping Your Defenses for Your Dominant

While being a slave or sub might be all that you have dreamed of doing in your life, that does not mean it is easy.

Being a slave or sub to a powerful Dominant can be just as challenging as any other relationship in your life, if not more so. Not only are you giving your body to another person, but you are also giving over your mind and your actions to this person. It is really no wonder that it is difficult for some slaves or subs to completely turn over their minds and hearts to their Dominant.

But dropping your defenses is the best way to become the best a sub or slave can, and to learn the most from your Dominant in the process.

Question Your Trust and How to Restore It

Trust is a tricky think in any relationship.

While it seems like a virtue we all have, our minds like to play games with us, often games we can not recognize. In a BDSM relationship, we might be put into difficult physical positions that cause your body to worry that it will be hurt permanently.

As a result, you have troubles letting go of these worries which can then lead to issues of trust. You may have a safe word or an understanding between yourself and the Dominant that you can stop at any time, but if you do not have inherent trust, you might never see just how much you can trust your relationship.

What you need to do is to let the Dominant take over during the scene.

You need to remind yourself again and again that you have agreed to be with them for a reason, and they always has your best interests at heart.

Allow your Dominant to be in control and you will find that trust comes more easily, that you are not worried or thinking about what might happen during your training.

You can just be trained.

Honesty is the Best Policy

If you are having troubles trusting your Dominant, it is time for a sit down. Perhaps just hearing from your Dominant that they promise not to hurt you in ways you have not agreed to be hurt will allow you to trust more.

Talk about possible reasons why your Dominant may not be trustworthy in your eyes.

A good Dominant will want to address these concerns and they will want to work with you to continue to develop your relationship together. Sometimes, when a Dominant is newer, they might be doing this inadvertently to crumble the trust between you, but these situations can be fixed with honest communication.

Leave Your Life at the Doorstep

One of the things you need to do as a slave is to leave your ‘other’ life at the doorstep when it’s time to be with your Dominant. You need to make sure that your worries, your woes, and any other concerns are left outside of the dungeon where you are giving over your will and your decisions to your Dominant.

You might want to have a different name when you’re in the dungeon to help you separate your lives or you might want to completely strip down once you are in the presence of your Dominant. These can help you to physically as well as emotionally drop any remaining defenses from the day.

No matter how long you have been a slave, you will always need to check to make sure you are dropping your defenses as much as possible. The more you give over to your training and to your Dominant, the more you will gain from the training time you do spend together.

With that said, always respect your own limits. If you have said in the past that you will not do something, then hold your ground. Not performing a certain off limit task, is by no way not trusting your Dominant, it is just you ensuring your own safety and sanity.

Your Dominant must respect that and if they do not, then they are not someone that you should put your trust.

Author: Unknown